


Regretful Masturbation

by EndovaElixabete



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Don't get your hopes up!!, It's a one-sided love, M/M, please do not repost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-06 04:16:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19055068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EndovaElixabete/pseuds/EndovaElixabete
Summary: Yusuke, sitting alone at his desk and sketching, finds a more pleasurable way to spend some time.





	Regretful Masturbation

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> Let's be real, no matter what I named this thing it was always going to be referred to as "Regretful Masturbation".
> 
> Happy birthday, MJ! I took your offhand joking comments and made it a reality! "You should write Regretful Masturbation for my birthday!"

Art was a way of life for Yusuke. It was more than a hobby-- more than a _pleasurable_ activity. It was what filled his time in times of boredom and in times of need. It was not just fun, but it was an escape from reality.

Part of him wondered if he enjoyed painting more so due to Madarame’s influence, and if it was just drilled into his mind to enjoy it. Sometimes he more enjoyed sittingi down with a sketchbook in his lap and a piece of charcoal between his fingers.

Though it was easy to smudge the charcoal. Yusuke had lost quite a few pieces to stray bits of the coal spilling over the pages as he dragged his hand over the paper.

Thus was the burden of most arts, was it not?

But lately, things seemed to have changed about his art. More often than not, Yusuke’s work tended to revolve around his newfound world-- the _Metaverse_ , and the people that came along with it. 

While the pages filled with the sights of palaces, Mementos, and even personas and shadows, the Phantom Thieves themselves, and their normal counterparts in the real world in places like Shibuya or Leblanc, Ren had been the center of most of his newer pieces. 

Ren studying, Joker contemplating their next move in one of the palace’s safe rooms, Ren fixing a bowl of curry, Joker summoning his latest persona to finish off a shadow…

Ren without a shirt, Joker removing one of his gloves with his teeth, Ren looming over the viewer-- a strange glint in his eye.

Since when had Yusuke’s art taken a more erotic tone? Even now, Yusuke found that the image he was creating-- one that had originally started as Ren writing down something in that notebook of his (something about his probation, he’d mentioned it in passing once) had turned into something less than innocent. 

His pencil stilled on the paper. Without meaning to, yet another piece turned into one of Ren in yet another compromising position. He wasn’t exactly _proud_ of his art turning into something like this, but Yusuke would be lying if he said that there hadn’t been _quite_ a few things on his mind as of late. 

But thoughts like that-- thoughts like _this_ were wrong. Right?

At least that was what he’d always been _told_. 

Yusuke put the pencil in his hand down upon his desk. Continuing work on the drawing he’d been working on would be futile. Moving any farther into the experience would cause… _Discomfort_. And in more ways than one.

But why had such impure thoughts clouded his mind lately? He’d had one-- maybe _two_ times that he could remember in the past, but ever since he joined the Phantom Thieves it’d gotten _worse_.

_Ren_ was always the subject of his thoughts. 

Admittedly, he thought about Ren often. He’d thought about all sorts of things about his new friend. Everything from just how nice it was to spend time with him to things that could be considered much _more_ friendly.

Where his thoughts had always started as something as simple as wanting to spend time together or near each other had turned into thoughts about… _other_ topics.

It started sweet. It always started sweet.

But it never ended that way.

Sighing, Yusuke just continued to look down at the drawing. There was no getting around the fact that the drawing was _far_ from innocent-- not when he’d already made so much progress with it. He hadn’t even noticed just how _seductive_ the image had gotten until he took the time to stand back and observe it. Hell, he didn’t even realize how excited he’d become in the meantime either.

_Apparently, yet again, his mind had wandered-- whether he’d willingly allowed it to get to that point or not._

He leaned forward onto the desk, elbows making contact with the wood as one hand ran through his hair. An exasperated breath left his slightly parted lips, and he felt his shoulders deflate a little as his eyes fell closed.

Did… Did he want to continue? Not with the drawing, no, but with his _thoughts_.

The pit of his stomach churned at the thought of moving on-- at the thought of _pleasuring_ himself. And over a drawing, as well. Was it wrong? It did feel like it. But even as his stomach ached, there was a feeling farther south that stirred just a bit stronger.

There was no avoiding it. At times Yusuke knew that the fastest option was to get it over with. Fast. Don’t think too hard about it, and it’d be over before he knew it. It was a quick fix, and it felt a lot better than a cold shower, for _sure_.

Whoever had mentioned that cold showers helped was obviously sadistic. Who enjoyed a cold shower? They were miserable.

Being able to spot that he was too far gone to really do much about it (aside from the obvious, that was) was easy enough, but the action was far less effortless. Still, if he continued to think about it like this, the feeling would persist and he would _really_ never finish a drawing.

There was no getting around it.

The hand that currently wasn’t tangled in his hair fell to his lap without a noise. Gently, his fingers prodded at the fabric above his thighs, dragging along his jeans slowly and teasing and bringing themselves closer to his torso.

He spared a tentative motion towards the innermost parts of his thigh, and he couldn’t stop himself from shivering.

_Yes, that felt nice._

His eyes remained closed as he folded his hand beneath his chin-- allowing himself to rest his head there as he focused on the feeling upon his legs. It was nice. Soothing.

The closer between his legs he ventured though, the more he felt his legs twitch. He had no idea that he was so worked up at the moment-- not until _now_. But he just had to keep telling himself; the sooner he did this, the sooner it’d be finished.

He needed to get to work.

Just opening his jeans was enough to relieve quite a bit of restraint and allowed him the release that he didn’t know he _needed_. His fingers rubbing against the fabric of his boxers was enough to make him swallow the lump in his throat. But he needed _more_. This wasn’t nearly enough stimulation for him to accomplish his goal.

As dirty of a goal as it was.

The waistband of his underwear was slowly pushed down, and the feeling of his hand briefly making contact with sensitive skin made the artist shiver once again, and he subconsciously shifted in his seat ever-so-slightly. And once he was free, Yusuke heaved a small sigh of approval. 

He had no idea just how aroused he was until now. And while he wasn’t _pleased_ with the situation, he certainly wasn’t _displeased_ either.

Fingers wrapped around his cock securly, and the first few strokes that he allowed himself were _exhilarating_. Just a small bit of pleasure felt like a such a _relief_.

Then again, Yusuke could argue that his inexperience in such a subject was a factor in his sensitivity. Rarely did he indulge in such behaviors, even if sometimes he _really_ wanted to. Sometimes one couldn’t just ignore the urges.

Yusuke found himself biting his bottom lip as he continued to slowly stroke himself the more he felt comfortable. How _nice_.

But after a few more moments, the feeling was something he couldn’t really _focus_ on. It felt nice, yes-- _very_ nice, but it also felt as though something was _missing_. But what was it?

He kept the pace on his cock as he peeked open one of his eyes, and immediately the image of the drawing he’d started earlier came into view.

_Ren_.

Ren had indeed become the subject of many of Yusuke’s drawings-- innocent or less so, but maybe… Just _maybe_ , Yusuke could indulge a little bit more in those less-than-innocent images he’d created.

His latest drawing-- the one which had initially been Ren writing in his notebook as it sat in his lap, had turned into something similar to the event with which Yusuke was currently indulging in. There was a focused look on Ren’s face as he looked down at himself-- cock sprung proudly and hand wrapped around the base. Even just this image of him exuded confidence. Determination Pride. Yusuke was never the best when it came to expressing emotion, but Ren… Ren was another story entirely.

Yusuke thought of Ren touching himself. Did he think about anything specific when he did so? Different positions, different situations, different people.

_Did he think about Yusuke?_

Yusuke had to visibly shake his head. There was no way that Ren thought about him in situations like this. He didn’t think about Yusuke touching himself. He didn’t think about Yusuke in interesting positions. He didn’t think about the different things that Yusuke did to _him_. There was just no conceivable way that he did. Ren was much more interested in the female population.

Or _was_ he?

In his fantasy, Yusuke could make Ren whatever he pleased. Ren could be taller, stronger, more loving, more devious, or even gay.

Yusuke rarely indulged in any sorts of _indecent_ activities such as this, but part of him wondered if Ren was much more inclined to touch himself. And, if he did, Yusuke wondered what _he_ thought of. But here, in Yusuke’s mind, Ren could do _whatever_.

Bent down on his knees, Yusuke Pictured Ren between Yusuke’s legs. Sitting beneath the desk? No, that was probably a bit uncomfortable. Yusuke needed a change of pace.

He sat back, and from that position it was much easier to imagine himself sitting with the space in front of himself as a more open environment. _Now_ He could think about a nicer situation once again. Where was he?

Ah, right.

Ren was on his knees between Yusuke’s legs, glancing up at him with eyes half-lidded and a _very_ distinct smirk upon his face. The sight was familiar (or, at least the _expression_ was), and Yusuke immediately recognized it as the smirk Joker wore in the metaverse just after switching personas to one much better suited for fighting a shadow.

It was a facial expression that Yusuke had ingrained into his memory. That powerful, snarky, and confident expression was one of his absolute _favorites_ that Ren wore. Yusuke would argue that his confident moments made him _so_ much more attractive.

The thought of the sight of Ren’s confident smirk half-hidden behind his hard cock was enticing, and Yusuke could feel himself twitch at the imagery. 

With a heavy breath, Yusuke placed a hand over his face just as his grip tightened on himself. Thinking of it as Ren’s hand, Yusuke stroked himself faster-- knowing Ren (who was someone who loved to please others, so Yusuke imagined he’d be the same in a situation like this) would likely try to get _some_ sort of reaction out of him. And it worked too, a soft whimper falling from Yusuke’s lips as his hips shifted slightly below himself.

His feet were planted firmly upon the floor now, shifting from in front of himself enough to bump into the front legs of the chair. The chair shifted slightly when his heels hit the legs, but Yusuke paid it no mind. Hell, he’d barely even registered the feeling. The stimulation a little further north was so much nicer. 

Slowly, his imaginary Ren leaned closer to Yusuke’s cock, tongue taking it’s gentle time to dart out and lick at the base of Yusuke’s cock. Of course, Ren didn’t _break_ eye contact during it, and if Yusuke had been paying close enough attention, he could have _swore_ that he saw that damn smirk widen.

How interesting. Judging his reaction, maybe? Unfortunately, Yusuke was sure his composure was less-than-perfect at the moment, and even his imaginative Ren seemed to notice it.

After that, Ren was quick to take Yusuke into his mouth, and Yusuke could feel himself gasp at the sudden (thought) of heat engulfing the tip of his member. Ren’s eyes fell closed after that, and he worked himself along Yusuke’s hand, the grip of which had tightened around his cock _considerably_ once Ren had gotten to working at him with his mouth.

A strangled moan made it out of Yusuke’s mouth just moments before he was able to bite upon his hand to hide the noises he was currently making. Unfortunately, he did not live alone, which meant that he had to be careful-- _very_ careful about who would happen past his room and hear what was going on inside.

Unfortunately, Yusuke did also have to worry about his roommate, and part of him wondered just how long the other male would be gone. Hopefully he wouldn’t return until much later.

It didn’t take him too long to reach the point of time where the feeling in his lower stomach was beginning to become almost unbearable. This strange, “cognitive” version of Ren (for lack of a better term) was causing him to unravel at the seams. His mouth was working at Yusuke so eagerly and expertly-- lips dragging along the side of his cock and teeth barely grazing the skin.

Once their eyes meet again, Yusuke can’t find himself lasting any longer. 

He strokes himself more vigorously than before, and he slap his hand over his lips to contain the moan that threatens to spill from parted lips as he releases into his hand. He may not do this often, but he knows it’s messy.

Once he feels able to open his eyes again (the mental image of Ren leaving his mind and making him feel… _Lonely_.), a messy sight is what he sees, indeed. He’s managed to stain the front of his pants a little bit. He’d have to change those once he worked up the energy to.

For now, Yusuke settles for slumping back in his seat-- slouching down and heaving a sigh. It takes barely an effort to wipe his hand on his already-stained pants. He’d have to change them anyway, so there was no need to try and keep them clean.

Laying his head back against the back of his chair, Yusuke’s eyes popped open for him to look up at the ceiling as he finally began to relax. 

Well, at least he’d be able to focus after this, however, he did still have concerns about this predicament. He’d thought about Ren in compromising positions before but it’d never gone _this_ far. Never before had he touched himself to the leader of the Phantom Thieves.

And though he felt _refreshed_ after such an experience, something about this just felt _wrong_. 

Was it right to touch yourself to the thought of someone who was your friend-- someone who you knew not of their own sexuality, their own feelings, and who you were _not_ in a relationship with?

There was no doubt in Yusuke’s mind that Ren _liked_ him, but he was _sure_ that the other male’s feelings ended there. Friendship. Despite the constant flirting that he’d seen Ren express with multiple individuals, Yusuke was absolutely certain that he was only interested in women-- even when he was poking fun at Ryuji.

Yusuke couldn’t help but feel jealousy swell inside him whenever Ren’s attention was directed towards someone else. Whenever he teased, flirted, and sometimes even _spoke_ to other individuals, Yusuke felt the need to draw his attention back to him in whatever way possible.

Rarely did he act upon those urges.

Setting his hand in his lap, Yusuke just slumped a little lower into his seat. While he _thought_ he’d be satisfied after something like this, he was more so feeling empty at the moment. If he _were_ to fantasize about something like _that_ , he’d want it to be more realistic. How much he craved Ren’s touch at the moment made him feel weak and alone.

Participating in something so vulgar had been a mistake.


End file.
